From The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran:
And a man said, “Speak to us of Self-Knowledge.”
And he answered, saying:
Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.
You would touch with your fingers the naked body of your dreams.
And it is well you should.
The hidden well-spring of your soul must needs rise and run murmuring to the sea;
And the treasure of your infinite depths would be revealed to your eyes.
But let there be no scales to weigh your unknown treasure;
And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
Say not, “I have found the truth,” but rather, “I have found a truth.”
Say not, “I have found the path of the soul.” Say rather, “I have met the soul walking upon my path.”
For the soul walks upon all paths.
The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.
~~~
I’ve had a bit of a health scare that was finally resolved today. I’ve had today’s doctor’s appointment for three weeks, during which time I efficiently blocked it from my mind. I’m good at that. When something unpleasant or potentially worrisome is coming up I just block it. I like to tell myself it’s because I am enlightened enough to know that worry will change nothing. Honestly, I think it’s plain old avoidance. Whatever you want to call it, it all came crashing in this morning when I had a mini panic attack in the waiting hours before the appointment. The “what if’s” came to call and pushed down the door. Little “what if’s” were running around all in my head spewing toxic scenarios all ending in the great forever darkness. It all spilled out my eyes and nose and that’s not a good thing at work. Or anywhere. I really don’t like feeling vulnerable and really, really don’t like burdening my family and friends with my fears. And I hate crying. I’m so tired of crying. To take my mind off it I began perusing the blogs. For some unknown reason I clicked on a blog that I normally don’t read and I truly believe it was karma that I read it on this day. It was a thanksgiving post that, for whatever reason, touched me and chased the “what if’s” away. It just kind of put everything into perspective and created a feeling of calm inside me. I printed it to read when those “what if’s” ever return. It also prompted me to think hard about another issue I have and made me realize I need to live each day being as good as I possibly can, with as much love and understanding as I possibly can. This is a goal I’ve striven toward most of my life but, obviously, I have a long way to go. Self-knowledge is indeed a work in progress for me.~~~
OKAY, what about the Dr. appointment?